Bobby Ray finds out Nadine loves windmills and roadway rumble strips with great enthusiasm, and technician and mountain climber Gusty fights aliens with Uncle Roy’s BBQ and Bagel Sauce while suspended from a wind turbine blade.
Today’s episode is brought to you by Nelda’s Law Office and Massage Parlor. Wether you stole that pig or not, Nelda can get you off.
Transcript
Today’s lineup: Big D, Bobby Ray, Gus “Gusty” Williams (surfer, rock climber, wind turbine technician)
Big D
howdy y’all, welcome to Mosquito Springs. Grab something cold to drink and come join us on the front porch.
Today Bobby Ray and me are joined by Gus Williams, our buddy who works on wind turbines.
Bobby Ray
we just calls him “Gusty”.
Gus
hey, thanks for inviting me!
Bobby Ray
hey, Big D, I found out Nadine loves those wind farms.
Big D
The ones that have all those energy generating windmills?
Bobby Ray
Yup. That’s the ones. And she’s just crazy about a big windmill.
Big D
She tell you that?
Bobby Ray
Oh No, there was a bunch of them trucks with the windmill pieces coming toward us on the road, so we had to slide over to the rumble strip in the side of the road while we was driving towards them.
You know that rumble strip makes the truck vibrate with that loud “Burrrrr” sound and Nadine was just smiling and a smiling.
Big D
Happy seeing those windmill trucks huh?
Bobby Ray
Oh you wouldn’t believe how happy. And when the trucks finally passed, I pulled back into the lane away from the shoulder and she yelled at me to “get back on the rumble strips” and kept saying how that “Go-cart” song by Garfunkel and Oats was telling the truth.
Big D
She did?
Bobby Ray
She sure did. And you know that by being extra safe like that it just made Nadine ever so happy? She even lit a cigarette and she don’t even smoke.
Big D
sounds like she really does enjoy those windmills.
Bobby Ray
I know that’s right.
Gus
you know that the world’s largest Pink Flamingo here in town use to be a windmill?
Big D
you’re kidding.
Gus
if I’m lying I’m a possum.
Bobby Ray
we’ll I’ll be darn.
Gus
yep. I found that out when I started working on the new windmills. And I bet something else you don’t know. These wind farms double as an alien communications array.
Big D
you’ve got to be kidding.
Gus
no way. And the town’s original windmill that pumped water into the town’s water tower is how space aliens first got here.
Bobby Ray
so that’s why my TV reception is so bad near the wind farm when I’m trying to get wrestlin. They’s using up all the airwaves talking to aliens.
Gus
I met one of those little guys on a maintenance call one day after a big lightening storm.
Big D
now you can’t just leave us hanging like that, you’ve got to tell us more.
Gus
well, Normally, we’ve got systems that channel a lightening strike to the ground, but this time it shot out through one of the blades and exposed the wood structure underneath. I pulled up to the windmill in my ‘66 Bronco and harnessed up with my climbing rig. Then I attached my grinder, sander and all my gear to make the repair, opened the door, and started my 350 foot climb up the ladder inside.
Bobby Ray
that sounds kinda scary.
Gus
I love rock climbing, so it’s not so bad. We use some of the same techniques. And I’ve repaired a few surfboards, so repairing and fiberglassing a blade blowout is pretty old hat.
Bobby Ray
‘cept you’re a bagillion miles above the ground when you’re doing it.
Gus
it’s really not that bad. Anyway, as I was climbing up, there was a real strange pulsating and vibrating sound you don’t normally hear on the turbines, even when the wind is that high.
Big D
were the blades still going around?
Gus
no, we’d already shut it down for repairs so it wouldn’t get more damage.
Bobby Ray
and you wouldn’t have to chase it down to jump on the blade.
Gus
(chuckle) well, that too. As I got closer to the trap door at the top of the ladder, I noticed that the ladder rungs had a strange glowing goo build up on them with kind of a stinky sweet smell. Now I’ve seen fungus before, and this was definitely not fungus.
I opened up the hatch and climbed out on the top of the turbine, and the sky had turned a really reddish color, so I figured I was in for a big wind. Then I repelled down the blade that had the blow out until I found the damage.
I strapped myself in and was straddling the blade and the wind was knocking it around kind of like being on one of those mechanical bulls. Except you can’t afford to get thrown off this one.
Bobby Ray
I know that’s right!
Gus
I was just about to get the grinder started and for some reason, I stopped a minute and looked up, and I saw someone or something else looking over the edge of the housing above me! Now I came up by myself and there wasn’t anyone else around for miles.
Bobby Ray
this is getting kinda creepy.
Gus
tell me about it. I still couldn’t quite make it out, so I called out to it, but of course it couldn’t hear me out there on the blade. Then it climbed out on the top of the blade I was on, but without a rope! It was doing that whole Spider-Man move where it was just sticking to the blade surface and crawling along toward me.
Big D
well, what’d you do?
Gus
I had to think of something quick because the alien was on me faster than a duck on a June bug. The tentacles tumbled into me and we slid down the blade a few feet.
Just then, I remembered I had two squeeze bottles of Uncle Roy’s BBQ and Bagel Sauce. I spun them up with both hands and squeezed with all my might until the alien’s tentacles were coated with the stuff. He then slid right off the blade and plummeted toward the ground below. But right before he hit, a small luminescent space craft with rotating lights around its middle wizzed past me and swooped up the alien. And then they were both gone.
Big D
ooh, that was really using your noggin.
Bobby Ray
and by using Uncle Roy’s BBQ and Bagel Sauce, you really schmeared him.
Gusty
I know that’s right!
Bobby Ray
Today’s episode is brought to you by Nelda’s Law Office and Massage Parlor. Wether you stole that pig or not, Nelda can get you off.
Big D
We loved having y’all dropping by today, and it’d be great if you’d give us a review, if you haven’t already done it. We might even read yours out on the air next time. And be sure to slap that subscribe button so you don’t miss any of our town’s crazy happenings. See y’all next time!
Bobby Ray
tell ‘em Bobby Ray sent ya!
Narrator Jed
Mosquito Springs and its townsfolk were created and performed by Michael Sessums.