Bobby Ray greases up his aunt, and two of the town kids find a mysterious haunted amusement park in the woods where they encounter the legendary Jackalope Boy!
Today’s episode is brought to you by Ada’s Avocado and Wheat Bran Biscuits. If you’re feeling pooped, maybe it’s cause you need to. Ada’s Avacado and Wheat Bran Biscuits – Keeping you regular for 13 years, so grab a batch to go.
Transcript
The Ghost of Mosquito Springs Amusement Park and Fairground
Cast: Big D, Bobby Ray, Tommy and Henry
Henry
hey, look down there on the Monster Dragon Ride. Hey! Th-th-that’s us!
Tommy
…Waving back at the real us!
(Upbeat intro music)
Big D
Howdy ya’ll, welcome to Mosquito Springs. I’m Big D and this here’s Bobby Ray. Grab something cold to drink and sit a spell.
Bobby Ray
Hey, Big D, do you know the best way to get a zipper unstuck?
Big D
what’s that?
Bobby Ray
bacon grease.
Big D
oh, Bobby Ray.
Bobby Ray
no, no, it’s true! Aunt Ida got her dress zipper stuck at our family reunion last year after she finished up in the outhouse, and she was running around trying to find one of the ladies to get her zipper up, but it weren’t no use. None of ‘em could do it. So,she was half in and half out. Quite a site to see. I tell you what.
Nadine told me and Albert about the problem, and I told her to go get that bacon grease can out of the kitchen. She ran back with it and we slathered it all over Aunt Ida’s back zipper. That’s right.
Then Albert grabbed his Bic lighter with that stainless steel LighterBro sleeve that he picked up at the truck stop out on I-20 with the pocketknife multi tool and bottle opener on it, and he heated up that bacon grease around the zipper and – sloop! That zipper just slipped on up like a greased pig in a one piece-bathing suit.
Oh, Aunt Ida was ever so happy, so much so that she gave us a whole dozen of her special deviled eggs with the Jack Daniels in it before joining up with her new boyfriend Jerry Bob.
She looked so purty in that dress, that she had Jerry Bob following her every where. ‘Course all the dogs and cats were following her too because of her greased up zipper. You know Jerry Bob and her went down to Tijuana and got married? And it were all thanks to bacon grease. I tell you what.
Big D
Hey, I wonder why Tommy and Henry are running so fast?
(Kids run up out of breath)
Tommy and Henry: (Both talking at same time can’t under stand them.)
Bobby Ray
Slow down and tell us what happened
Tommy and Henry: (Both talking at same time can’t under stand them.)
Big D
Hold it, whoa, hush, take a deep breath. Ok. Now one at a time. What happened? You go first, Henry.
Henry
we were just at a h-h-haunted carnival!
Big D
oh, you mean that traveling carnival over in Canton?
Tommy
no, It was a REAL haunted carnival in an old park we found in Sutter’s Woods.
Henry
it was real s-s-scary!
Big D
what were y’all doing out in Sutter’s Woods?
Bobby Ray
y’all knows that’s where that haunted glow tree is doncha?
Henry
w-we do now!
Tommy
we were playing space alien and the preacher man…
Henry
and I was the space alien with a helmet and everything
Tommy
and I was the preacher man trying to convert the alien so he wouldn’t eat our toes and destroy the Earth.
Henry
that’s when we saw the haunted glow tree glowing and ran over to see.
Tommy
but it stopped glowing when we got to it.
Henry
yeah, and when we got to it we smelt something sweet
Tommy
yea, Like pies and funnel cakes…
Henry:
…Coming from the other side of some bushes and trees.
Tommy
We pushed and pulled each other through the bushes
Henry
And it was just a bunch of broken down buildings and rides on the other side
Tommy
Mostly weeds and rusty sheds.
Henry
and no funnel cakes.
Tommy
So we went to the Ticket booth
Henry
‘cause you got to have a ticket to ride or get a snack
Tommy
and it was all dusty and a roll of tickets was on the counter
Henry
so I reached in the window hole and grabbed it
Tommy
Then we heard a weird laugh, kinda like on the spooky movies
Henry
but we figured it was just the wind
Tommy
and we ran to the first thing we saw
Henry
It had an old sign that had fallen sideways and said “Taco Bowl”
Tommy
I wanted to throw a bowling ball at the pins.
Henry
but the lanes were cracked and a lot of pins were broken
Tommy
and there weren’t no balls
Henry
A bunch of the pins were were knocked down, but just covered in dirt.
Tommy
and all the pins in one lane were knocked down except one, and it was really slimy
Henry
and had moss oozing off it.
Tommy
‘course I dared Henry to lick the slimy bowling pin.
(Flashback sound)
Bobby Ray
uh, oh. Sounds like we’re having a flashback
Big D
hush, Bobby Ray. So what happened then?
(Flashback sound)
Henry
you lick it.
Tommy
No you lick it.
Henry
no you lick it. I double dare you.
Tommy
I DOUBLE DOG DARE you.
Henry
Uhh. OKaaaaay. Why’d you have to double dog dare me?
Tommy
you sit right there in front of the slimy bowling pin.
Henry
only if you sit right next to me. I’m not going to do this by myself.
Tommy: OK.
(They walk into the lane and sit by the pins.)
Tommy: now lick the pin. You promised.”
Henry
Ewwww
Tommy
It’s a double dog dare and you said yes.”
Henry
I know. Here goes nothing.
Tommy
Just close your eyes and it won’t be so bad.
Henry
ewwww. It smells really bad.
Tommy
ewwww.
Henry
(sounds of ahhhhhh … tongue getting closer, closer, closer) ssssluuuurp
Tommy and Henry together: ewwwww
Henry: (making tongue gaging sounds and trying to get the goo off his tongue)
Tommy: (laughing) see, that wasn’t too, bad.
Henry
not bad?! It tasted like your mom’s Tuesday night Fishloaf.
Henry and Tommy together: ewwwww!
Tommy
hey, Some of the slime got on the ticket roll and it’s glowing!
Henry: wow!
Tommy
awww, it stopped.
Henry
that’s Ok, let’s play carnival and get some cotton candy over there at the cotton candy stand.
Tommy
OK. That’d be fun.
Henry
making cotton candy machine sounds.
Tommy
not yet! You have to give them a ticket first.
Henry
oh, yeah! I forgot.
(Ticket tearing. Magic sound. Cotton Candy machine whirring.)
Tommy: the ticket you tore off glowed
Henry: and the cotton candy machine is really going!
Tommy: grab a cone. They already have cotton candy on it. Mine is blue!
Henry: mine is swirly blue and pink! And it tastes so good!
Tommy: the ticket must have been magic and brought it to life.
Henry: so all we have to do is look at something and tear off a ticket to get it to work?
Tommy: let’s try something else!
Henry: ooooh, oooooh, how bout the bumper cars!?
Tommy: quick! Tear off a ticket!
———*
(Sound of ticket tearing. Magic sound.
Music – Chicken Truck Race by Heyday Highway
and machine sounds coming to life.)
Henry and Tommy: It worked! (Both laughing and giggling.)
(Sound of running in gravel to ride.)
Henry: I’ll take the blue car!
Tommy: the green one is mine!
(Sounds of running to cars on metal floor and jumping in)
Henry: Go!
(Sounds of cars whirring and electric clicking catenary poles striking the electrified ceiling.)
Tommy: hah! Missed me!
(Smash!)
Henry: got you!
Tommy: hey, that red car is coming at us!!!
Henry: a big rabbit with antlers is driving it! (It’s a Jackalope)
Tommy: must be a kid in a jackarope that costume.
Henry: I wonder where he got it?
Tommy: look out!!!
(Sound of red car crashing into Henry’s car)
Henry: ooof! That was a good one, but you won’t get me next time, rabbit!
Tommy: ha ha, he got you good!
(Sounds of bumper cars wizzing around)
Tommy: here he comes again. Dodge him!
(Sound of red car crashing into Henry’s car again)
Henry: ahhhh! He got me again! And now my car won’t go!
Tommy: get out of your car before he comes back! Get in!
(Henry hops in to Tommy’s blue car.)
Henry: go, go, go!
Tommy: here he comes!!!
Henry: hurry! Drive to the entrance! he’s almost got us!
(Wild laughing sound from creature)
(Sound of bumper car wizzing past)
Henry: stop the car and lets get out of here
(Sound of kids running in gravel)
Tommy: boy, he was really good!
Henry: yea, a little TOO good.
Tommy: hey, let’s go to the Merry Go Round. Tear the ticket
(Merry go round / carousel music starts)
(music: bienenue mon amour – Mac Taboel) with horses, dragons, pink flamingos, clowns
Henry: I want the dragon!
Tommy: I want the lion with wings!
Henry: cool!
Tommy: it’s speeding up!
Henry: look at all the horses, pink flamingos, and dragons going up and down and on the poles and running
Tommy: and the wings are flapping on their the ones with wings!
Henry: this is awesome!
Tommy: let’s get the brass ring!
(Whooshing sound like going the ring post going by fast)
Henry: missed it!
(Whooshing sound)
Tommy: lean out more!
(Whooshing sound)
Henry: (straining sounds) got it!
Tommy: woo hoo!
Henry: yea! Hey, is slowing down
Tommy: awww, that was too short
(Ride stopping, music stops)
Henry: let’s ride the rocket coaster!
Tommy: hey we’re not first in line, I think I saw that Jacky rabbit run in there.
Henry: quick, tear the ticket!
——-
(Ticket tearing)
(Rocket Coaster Music starts up)
Tommy: it’s running and lit up!
Henry: wow! Let’s grab the front seat on the first car!
(Shoes Running on wood sound. Then hopping in car and bar locks into place)
(Jerking cars sound)
Tommy: we’re leaving the station!
(Clicking sound of cars going up hill)
Henry: it’s a tall hill
Tommy: we’re at the top!
Henry: here we go!
Henry and Tommy: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
(Wind rushing and cars gliding on tracks)
Tommy and Henry: laughing
Henry and Tommy: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
(Clicking sound of cars going up hill)
Tommy: there’s two tracks here.
Henry: there’s that rabbit again and he switched us to this new track!
Tommy: wait, where’s it taking us?
Henry: up that launch tower!
Tommy: where’d that come from?!
Ghost jackalope: (maniacal laugh as they are going by)
(Clicking sound of cars going up hill)
Henry: hey, look down at the car in the Monster Dragon Ride!
Tommy: it’s us! Waving back at the real us!
Launch control: 3-2-1- blastoff!
(Rocket blast)
Henry and Tommy: ahhhhhh!!!
(Rocket sound continues)
Tommy: you poured your coke on me, Henry!
Henry: That’s not coke! (He just peed)
Tommy and Henry: ewwww!
(Engine sputters and goes out)
Henry: the engine stopped!
Tommy: and we’re falling!
Tommy and Henry: ahhhhhhhhhhh!
(Sounds of parachute popping open)
(Wind sounds)
Henry: it’s a parachute!
———
Tommy: hey, looks like we’re gonna land in front of the Monster Dragon Ride!
Henry: look at the Cyclops and other big monsters on top of the ride!
Tommy and Henry: (landing) oof!
*——-
Tommy: where’d our doubles go?p
Henry: hey, there we go into the ride!
Tommy: let’s follow them. Tear the ticket and let’s jump into the next dragon car!
Henry: gotcha!
(Ticket ripping)
(Music starts: the house where no one… – Lucille Green)
Tommy: pull down the lap bar. The ride’s starting.
Henry: here we go!
Cackles
Henry: Look out for the witch!
Frankenstein monster groaning
Tommy: ahh! It’s Frankenstein!
Zombies moaning
Henry: look at the zombies popping out of the graves
Zombies moaning
Tommy: They’re getting closer!
Zombies moaning
Henry: he almost got me!
Tommy: There’s the bunny kid laughing and waving again!
Henry: we’re heading for that huge Cyclops head
Ghost spooking
Sinister laughing
Eerie Screams
Tommy: smoke’s coming out of his mouth and he’s chomping his big teeth!
Chomping sound of 10 foot tall mouth
Maniacal laughter
Henry: and we’re heading right into it!
Tommy and Henry: ahhhhhhh!
Accelerating sound
Maniacal laughter
Whoosh!
Tommy and Henry: oof!
Henry: how’d we get back out in the trees?!
Tommy: that ride threw us out here!
Sound ends flashback
———
Henry: And then we ran here, Big D
Big D: that ghost carnival sounds really scary!
Henry: it was!
Tommy: but it was mostly fun!
Henry: yea! I wanna go again!
Bobby Ray: And Y’all got to see the Glowing Tree and the Texas Jackalope Boy!
Henry: you mean he’s real?
Bobby Ray: that’s right.
Big D: wow! That was quite an adventure. You’ll have to take us with you if y’all go again.
Henry: it’s a deal!
Bobby Ray: today’s episode is brought to you by Ada’s Avocado and Wheat Bran Biscuits. If you’re feeling pooped, maybe it’s cause you need to. Ada’s Avacado and Wheat Bran Biscuits – Keeping you regular for 13 years, so grab a batch to go.