A lady ghost in Daisy Mae’s searches for brisket, taking us on a spooky journey around Cedar Creek Lake and her luxurious two story double-wide trailer, and Bobby Ray explores whether a tin foil hat will keep the government from turning him vegetarian.
Today’s episode is brought to you by Ben’s Bait and Tackle for the freshest sushi in town. Our Boat Buddy Platter is like having a Japanese geisha give you a back rub while bennying your hana.
Any references to the “Front Porch Crazy” podcast is the same podcast as “Mosquito Springs”. FPC was the original name of the podcast before Big D got a better idea. Always look for the “Mosquito Springs” podcast here and on your favorite podcast player.
Transcript
(Comedy banjo music) 0:00
Big D 0:10
Welcome to Mosquito Springs Front Porch Crazy. Come on up on the porch and grab something cold to drink.
Bobby Ray 0:15
Hey, Big D, I had a time finding your Front Porch podcast, and the things I found it’ll curl your toes boy. I tell you what. I found churchy things, I found sketchy things, I found nudie things, and I don’t know what all, but it’s all happening on a front porch somewhere . I almost found myself with the girl and the swing on her porch and All I know is I sure am glad I found you!
Big D 0:44
I’m glad you finally found it, Bobby Ray. Remember it’s Mosquito Springs and you can find it on iTunes and most podcasting services.
Bobby Ray 0:52
Well I knows that now. They’ve got me so confused I’m afraid to look at another porch I tell you what.
Big D 0:58
well, we do have a porch swing
Bobby Ray 1:00
oh, no. This was one of those trapezey things. I’m just gonna think about moo cows and forget I ever saw it. <baaaa>
Big D 1:10
Bobby Ray, that’s a sheep.
Bobby Ray 1:11
that’s what she said. I tell you what!
Big D 1:14
Hey, I got that Covid Vaccine a couple of weeks ago, are you gonna get it?
Bobby Ray 1:18
well, not me. Un uh.
Big D 1:20
I know better than to ask, but Why not Bobby Ray?
Bobby Ray 1:23
‘cause it’s just a way for big government and Microsoft to track us.
Big D 1:26
oh, boy.
Bobby Ray 1:29
no, no, it’s true! They got nanobots in them shots that gets up in your bloodstream and sends signals back to them satellites that Space X has on their their internet.
Big D 1:39
you sure the aliens aren’t doing it? Cause I bet if they probed your head and couldn’t find your brain.
Bobby Ray 1:45
Don’t even get me started on the probing!
Big D 1:47
what?!
Bobby Ray 1:48
No, no, it’s true! They can switch off your motor functions anytime they want to probe you and hook you up to machines to download new memories and experiences. And they reprogram you to be a model citizen, like vegetarian food, and get all excited about that Big Brother show which is pretty telling in itself.
Big D 2:09
I’m thinking that’s probably that “Total Recall” movie you watched down at the dollar theater.
Bobby Ray 2:14
that’s what they want you to think. See the underground resistance movement puts out the truth and disguises them as “movies” so the govment won’t be wise to it.
Big D 2:25
hey, if you wear your cap with the tin foil liner, I bet you could get your shot and it’ll neutralize all those nanobots.
Bobby Ray 2:33
you think so?
Big D 2:35
you bet. And you can get back to league play at the Bowl-a-Rama.
Bobby Ray 2:39
well, sign me up!
Big D 2:42
Well, Ok!
Bobby Ray 2:44
I was up at the Wally World and got me a pair of them RealTree fishing shorts, but I can’t figure out which pocket to put the fish in and how much water to put in with em.
Big D 2:56
I don’t think that’s what they’re for.
Bobby Ray 2:58
oh, I’ll figure something out. It’s got all them pockets. Now you do have to be careful which pocket you reach into so you don’t pull out the wrong red wigglers. (Winking) If you know what I mean.
Big D 3:10
Haha, that could be awkward.
Bobby Ray 3:14
I know, right? Believe me! Believe me, I can tell you from personal experience.
Big D 3:18
Haha
Bobby Ray 3:19
Hey, speaking of fishy things, I had me an encounter with that there Cedar Creek Lake ghost.
Big D 3:26
I think you mean the ghost from White Rock Lake.
Bobby Ray 3:38
we’ll, If she is she sure gets around! But no she’s the Cedar Creek Lake ghost this one is. Here was a girl in a pair of a Daisy Mae’s waving me down out back of the Beer Barn. She was a cute redhead with all the accoutrements in the right place, if you know what I mean.
Bobby Ray 3:46
She said she forgot her ice chest and her truck wouldn’t start, so would I mind giving her a ride over to her trailer just to get her ice chest and all. So I thought I’d go ahead and do that. I mean what’s the harm, right? And I’m her knight in shiny amour, you see. She climbed on in the back of my pickup, you know I got that king Ranch edition with the crew cab and the seat massaging vibramaters and…
Big D 4:14
just get to the story.
Bobby Ray 4:16
we’ll, she climbed on in and was looking so good back there. Oh yeah she did. And she’s pretty quiet The Whole time and I don’t know why, but she did tell me where to go there. I kept looking in my rear view mirror at her in the back seat to check on her and she had kind of a tear in her eye. That’s probably cause she’d been eating those jalapeño poppers and you know how that makes you just tear up? Well that’s what it always does to me anyway. I call ‘em jalapeño poopers for oblivious reasons. (Wink) I tell you what.
Bobby 4:54
Well, we drove for a while and I noticed I was breathing out foggy like, kinda like it was below freezing in the truck, but I only had the climation control set to about 63 so I knew it wasn’t that, and it was 102 outside. I looked in my mirror to check in her again and noticed it had frost crystals all round it.
Big D 5:18
Now, that’s getting kinda creepy
Bobby Ray 5:20
yea, but I figured she needed a friend and that cooler wasn’t going to get itself, so I kept on driving. She told me to turn in between the big oak and the twin magnolias – you know I dated a couple of twins one time and…
Big D 5:35
Just stick to the story.
Bobby Ray 5:37
oh yea, right. Well, I turned in between those trees and saw her two story double wide, and it was a doozy. All kinda Bourbon Street New Orleans style with the wrought iron work and the balcony for throwing the beads. (Chuckles) If you know what I mean.
Bobby Ray 5:58
And I saw that big old Yeti cooler sitting on her porch right where she left it. So, I pulled on up and I told her I’d be right back with it. I got out to go get the cooler and there was moss hanging from the trees and a thick fog rolling in from the lake, so I couldn’t even see my feet. I got up to the cooler and there was these foil wrapped packages with smoked brisket and taters – oh it smelled so good – I didn’t blame her for being all upset about leaving them goodies.
Bobby Ray 6:33
I reached down to pick them up and an old lady neighbor yelled out “what was I doing at the old MacCullah house.” I turned around and yelled back I was just picking up the ice chest and food goodies for Debbie – see, that was the name of the girl in the Daisy Mae’s, and she told me about that when we was traveling over to her place.
Bobby Ray 6:53
But I told her I was picking that stuff up for Debbie to take back to the party. But the lady yelled back that little Debbie had drowned ‘cause she wasn’t wearing a life jacket on that party boat – twenty years ago! I mean to tell you! Twenty years ago? What was hat old lady smoking? I just figured that woman was a nut job, so I turned back around to get the cooler and stuff, but it weren’t there.
Bobby Ray 7:19
It boggled my mind. So I headed back to the truck to tell Debbie about her cooler missing and by this time the misty fog had gotten up to eye level, and I almost couldn’t see the pickemup truck. It was like every step was harder and harder to make. Almost like I was walking through stock tank mud with my boots sucking down further with each step.
Bobby Ray 7:48
But I finally made it back and knocked on the back door window for Debbie to roll it down, but she never did. So I opened the door and she had vanished. Only thing left was a puddle of water on the seat and an iced over bottle of beer.
Big D 8:04
Well, what’d you do?
Bobby Ray 8:06
I drank it.
Big D 8:07
oh, Bobby Ray
Bobby Ray 8:10
Well, I wasn’t gonna waste that, was I?
Bobby Ray 8:12
Today’s episode is brought to you by Ben’s Bait and Tackle for the freshest sushi in town. Our boat buddy platter is like having a Japanese geisha give you a back rub while bennying your hana. Haha.
Big D 8:25
Well, that wraps it up for this week. Y’all join us again next time on Mosquito Springs. Thank ya’ll for coming by!
Announcer 8:34
Mosquito Springs and its characters were created and performed by Michael Sessums. Be sure to like our podcast and come back again next week for more crazy stories. See ya then!
(Comedy banjo music) 8:46