Big D and Bobby Ray get the ball rolling with stories of alien abductions and bargains at Nadine’s Gun and Curl. There may be anal probing. But not at the Gun and Curl. That’s an alien thing.
Any references to the “Front Porch Crazy” podcast is the same podcast as “Mosquito Springs”. FPC was the original name of the podcast before Big D got a better idea. Always look for the “Mosquito Springs” podcast here and on your favorite podcast player.
Transcript
(Comedy banjo music) 0:00
Big D 0:14
Howdy, y’all. Come on up on the front porch. It sure is good to see y’all made it here to Mosquito Springs today. We’re about 60 miles east of Dallas, the Big D, and this is Big D talking to you live from the porch.
Bobby Ray 0:28
What do you mean “live”.
Big D 0:30
Ok, well I’m live at the time that I’m talking to you from the porch.
Bobby Ray 0:33
Well you’re living ain’t you?
Big D 0:35
Any way, I’m sitting here with my good friend, Bobby Ray. How’re you doing, Bobby Ray?
Bobby Ray 0:44
Well, I’m doing pretty good, Big D. What’s all this I hear about you doing a podcast? What is that?
Big D 0:47
Well, it’s where we sit around on the porch, have a cold one or some iced tea, and talk about things like ghost stories and Bigfoot, you know, things like that. Kind of like shooting the breeze and having a good time. And we’ve got a whole bunch of people listening to us kind of like on the radio.
Bobby Ray 1:07
You mean I’m on the radio?
Big D 1:09
Well, sort of.
Bobby Ray 1:10
Well, alrighty then. Nadine, hey girl. I’m on the radio.
Big D 1:16
Well, here comes our mailman, Mr. Tab.
(Out of breath) 1:18
Mr. Tab 1:20
Hey, Big D. Here’s your mail.
Big D 1:24
Thank you, Mr. Tab.
Mr. Tab 1:27
Hey, What’re you boys talking about?
Bobby Ray 1:29
Wes talking about ghost stories and alien abductions.
Mr. Tab 1:32
Well, there was this one time that I witnessed an alien abduction.
Bobby Ray 1:40
You had an alien abduction?
Mr. Tab 1:44
Yes, I’m serious, an alien abduction. Well, see it was in the evening one time, and I heard all these wizzing sounds and there was all these flashing lights and stuff.
And I knows there was some anal probing. Yea, I bet there was. ‘Course, that was in back of the Union Hall, so it may not have been aliens after all. Hmmm… still think there was anal probing, though.
Well, enjoy your mail. We’ll talk to you later.
Big D 2:25
Well, what do you think about that? Our mailman had an alien abduction.
Bobby Ray 2:30
If you think that’s something, you should’ve been with me Wednesday night when I was going to that there prayer meeting.
Oh, I had me an encounter with an alien and I don’t mean Mehexico.
Big D 2:43
Oh come on now, you’re kidding me.
Bobby Ray 2:46
Ya see, I was heading out going down 19, and I come on up a little bit to that four way stop and pulled up to the stop sign. I noticed that stop sign start to wiggling and the lights in the cab they were flashing on and off.
And it was getting clickety clattery and all that. And there was this big old beam of light shined down on my cab and it just kinda blinded me. I didn’t know what was going on.
Big D 3:16
Well, what’d you do?
Bobby Ray 3:17
Well, I just about peed my pants that’s what I did. All that rocking and stuff when the truck started rocking close and forth and all that. Good thing I had that there Depends on, I tell you what. Talk about carrying a full load to the dumpster! Woah, my goodness!
Big D 3:33
Could you see anything?
Bobby Ray 3:35
Oh, no. I tell you, those windshield wipers and and the windshield juice kept flowing up there on the windshield, but my windows were still crazy covered up with stuff, and shaking and lighting stuff was going on, so I couldn’t see nothing. And almost as quick as it came, it went away.
Well, I was able to get the truck started and went on over to the car wash and flushed that sucker on out. I went ahead and stripped my clothes off, too and hoses my self off a little bit. See I normally take a super wash, but I just went for the straight one this time.
Big D 4:24
I sure wish you could’ve got a good look at them.
Bobby Ray 4:26
You know, the next day I went out and talked to the sheriff and I said hey, I had this rockety thing going on last night. And you know what he told me?
Big D 4:45
What’d he say?
Bobby Ray 4:46
He told me it was some aircraft from that local army base out of Tyler or maybe even Dallas. But I know the difference between an alien spaceship and a helichopper. I tell you what!
Big D 4:58
Somehow, I bet you do. Well, we’re gonna have some good stories coming off the front porch. I sure am glad that y’all could be with us today.
Bobby Ray 5:08
Today’s episode is brought to you by Nadine’s Gun and Curl.
Big D 5:12
What are you doing?
Bobby Ray 5:14
No, no, this will be great. Listen to this. “Nadine’s Gun and Curl where you get a free box of shells with every coiffure.” It’s pretty good, ain’t it?
Big D 5:22
Oh, Bobby Ray
Bobby Ray 5:24
Well you’re gonna need a sponsor and I can be your…word man.
Big D 5:28
Ok, we’ll see. Folks, we hope you had a good time and you’ll join us again on the Front Porch. See y’all then.
Announcer 5:37
Mosquito Springs Front Porch Crazy and its characters were created and performed by Michael Sessums. Be sure to like our podcast and come back next week for more of our crazy stories. See ya then.
(Comedy country banjo music) 5:52